How could You choose me? I am not qualified

Matthew’s Call and the Weight of His Past

In the Jewish world of the first century, tax collectors were among the most despised individuals in society. Matthew’s position as a tax collector created significant tension, not only with the Roman authorities but especially with his own Jewish people. To fully grasp the weight of this, it’s important to understand the role of tax collectors at the time.

Tax collectors in Judea worked for the Roman Empire, which had occupied Israel. Their job was to collect taxes from fellow Jews, a practice that was seen as an act of betrayal. These tax collectors were considered traitors because they were not only working for the enemy but also exploiting their own people. They were known for collecting more than what was owed, keeping the excess for themselves. This practice of dishonesty and greed further intensified the negative perception of tax collectors.

For Matthew, the tension would have been personal. Not only was he working for the oppressor, the Roman government, but he was likely alienated from his family and friends. Tax collectors were often excluded from synagogues and religious life. The Pharisees, who were the religious elite, saw tax collectors as spiritually unclean, associating them with sinners and outcasts. It’s possible that Matthew’s own family had turned their backs on him, unwilling to associate with someone whose livelihood was based on betrayal and exploitation.

In Matthew 9:9, when Jesus calls him to follow, it wasn’t just a spiritual decision. For Matthew, it was a decision to leave behind his comfortable — though despised — position and embrace a new identity in Christ. This was a public and radical move. To follow Jesus meant alienation from the Roman government, the Roman soldiers, and the wealth he had accumulated through his work as a tax collector. It also meant leaving behind the judgment and scorn of his Jewish community.

This tension, the push-pull of his position in society, was not only external but internal. Matthew would have had to wrestle with shame, guilt, and the weight of his past decisions. Even after Jesus called him, he might have wondered if he truly belonged in the kingdom of God, or if the consequences of his previous choices would forever define him.

However, the story of Matthew shows us that Jesus sees beyond the labels. He didn’t call Matthew because of his qualifications, his spotless reputation, or his worthiness. He called him because of His grace. Just as Jesus reached out to Matthew, He reaches out to us, often calling us from places we think disqualify us — places where we’ve been rejected by the world, or even by our own selves.

Facing the Tension

I imagine the tension Matthew faced. The choice to follow Jesus wasn’t just spiritual — it was deeply personal. Tax collectors like him were often shunned by their communities and disowned by their families. Some scholars suggest Matthew’s own family may have rejected him for aligning with Rome. In The Chosen series, there’s a powerful scene where Matthew attempts to make amends with his family, longing for reconciliation. That moment resonates with me. I know the ache of strained relationships and the longing to prove I’m not the same person I once was.

Just like Matthew, I’ve faced moments of isolation. Addiction distanced me from others, and the shame I carried felt impossible to shake. Even now, doubts creep in. Will people ever see me for who I’ve become, or will they only remember who I was? But just as Jesus did for Matthew, He reminds me that my past does not define my future.

The Ministry of Reconciliation and Our New Identity

Because of what Jesus accomplished on the cross, we are given the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18-19). This means that we are no longer defined by our sin, but by the righteousness of Christ. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 5:21: "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

This truth transforms how I see myself. I’m no longer merely a former addict or a person with a painful past. In Christ, I’m adopted into God’s family and made a co-heir with Christ (Romans 8:17). My worth isn’t based on what I’ve done or will do. It’s based on the fact that I’m made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27) and now clothed in robes of righteousness (Isaiah 61:10).

God Chooses the Unqualified: A Truth for Today’s Believer

It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that only those with spotless pasts are worthy of God’s calling. Society often reinforces this idea — that we must have it all together, present a polished image, and have perfect credentials in order to serve God and live with purpose. Whether it's a clean record, an ideal family history, or flawless achievements, we can feel like we don't measure up, like we’re not "qualified" for what God has called us to.

But the beauty of Scripture is that it consistently reveals the opposite truth. In 1 Corinthians 1:27-29, Paul reminds us: "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." God delights in using those whom the world overlooks or dismisses. He doesn’t see us as our failures, our mistakes, or our past. Instead, He sees us through the lens of His grace.

This truth is evident in the lives of many Biblical figures. Take Moses, for example. Moses doubted his ability to lead the Israelites, citing his inability to speak well (Exodus 4:10). Yet, God chose him to lead an entire nation out of slavery. Moses' insecurities didn’t stop God from using him — in fact, it was through Moses’ weakness that God’s power was made known.

Then there’s Gideon, who questioned his worthiness to be used by God when called to deliver Israel from the Midianites. In Judges 6:15, Gideon said, “Pardon me, my lord, but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.” Gideon’s self-doubt mirrored what many of us feel today — that we are too insignificant, too broken, or too far gone to be used by God. But God saw something in Gideon that he couldn’t see in himself, just as He sees something in us that we may fail to recognize.

These stories show us that God chooses the unqualified, those who feel weak, inadequate, or unworthy. Why? Because God is in the business of equipping and empowering us to fulfill His purposes — not by our own strength, but through His. It's a reminder that our limitations are the very places where God's strength shines brightest.

How This Applies to the Modern Christian

For us today, this truth is just as powerful and relevant. So many of us carry doubts about our worthiness to serve or step into the callings God has placed on our lives. We may look at others and think, “They’re so much more qualified than I am.” But this only reinforces the lie that we need to be perfect or polished before we can be used by God.

But God chooses us in our imperfections. He calls us not because of our past or our achievements, but because of His grace and power working through us. And this is good news for those of us who feel unqualified — because in our weakness, God's strength is made perfect.

Practical Applications for Today

1. Embrace Your Identity in Christ:
   When doubts about your calling or qualifications arise, remember that your identity is in Christ, not in your past. God doesn’t call you because you’re perfect; He calls you because you’re His. And He will equip you to fulfill the purpose He has for you. (2 Corinthians 5:17) As you lean into your identity as a beloved child of God, you can begin to step forward in faith, knowing that God’s power works best in your weakness.

2. Start Where You Are:
   Moses didn’t lead Israel from the comfort of his past accomplishments. Gideon didn’t defeat the Midianites from a place of strength. Both of them started from a place of insecurity and weakness, but they moved forward with what they had. If God is calling you, start where you are. You may feel inadequate, but trust that God will provide what you need when you take that first step. Begin with small acts of obedience and trust Him for the next steps.

3. Look Beyond External Qualifications:
   Society places value on what we’ve done, where we’ve been, and what we have achieved. But God looks at the heart. When you look at yourself through the world’s lens, you may see failure, disqualification, or inadequacy. But when you look through God’s lens, He sees potential and purpose. Don’t let external measures of success or failure define you. Let your relationship with Christ be the foundation of your worth.

4. Cultivate a Heart of Obedience:
   Gideon’s story shows that even in our doubts, we can still choose obedience. Obedience is key to stepping into God’s call, even when you don’t feel “qualified.” Whether it’s serving in a local ministry, pursuing a new career, or stepping into leadership, obedience aligns our hearts with God’s will and positions us to be used for His purposes.

5. Lean into God’s Strength, Not Your Own:
   Finally, understand that God doesn’t call you to serve Him in your own strength. He equips and empowers you for the task at hand. In those moments when you feel inadequate, remember that God’s strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Trust that God will provide what you need, and His power will be made manifest in your life and work.

My Own Struggle with Insecurity

I know what it feels like to carry the weight of a past that whispers, “You’re not good enough.” The haunting voice of insecurity often lingers, reminding me of all the mistakes I've made — the mistakes that once felt like shackles, keeping me bound to a version of myself I could never seem to escape. I’ve struggled with the fear that my past will always define me — that my addictions, the brokenness, the guilt, and shame will forever hold me back from stepping into the fullness of who God created me to be. There were days when I thought I wasn’t worthy of His love or His calling, simply because of the mistakes I had made and the life I had lived. The weight of my insecurities seemed like an anchor, dragging me further away from the future I hoped to build.

Yet, I’m learning not to strive for perfection. I am slowly but surely letting go of the idea that I have to have it all together before I can be used by God. There’s only One who is perfect, and His name is Jesus. His perfection is not something I could ever attain on my own, but it’s something He freely offers to me through His grace. I don’t have to strive to be perfect — because Jesus already is. And the truth is, I don’t have to earn my place in His kingdom. I simply have to rest in the grace He so abundantly gives, knowing that my imperfections don’t disqualify me from His love or His call.

God isn’t looking for perfection from me; He’s looking for a willing heart, a heart that is open to His transforming power. I’m learning to lean into His grace instead of trying to prove my worth through my actions or achievements. His grace covers all my shortcomings and fills the gaps where I fall short. Every day, I’m discovering the freedom that comes with resting in His grace — a grace that says, “You are enough because I am enough.” And it’s in this space of grace that I’m finding healing, growth, and the courage to step into my calling, knowing I don’t have to be perfect to be loved, accepted, and used by God.

Matthew’s story isn’t just about one man’s call; it’s about God’s incredible ability to redeem and transform lives. It’s a reminder that, no matter where we’ve been or what we’ve done, God calls us not because we are perfect but because He is. When we rely on God’s grace and rest in His calling, we can begin to walk confidently in the identity He has given us, knowing that we are enough in Him.

If you’re feeling unqualified or burdened by your past, I encourage you to take a step of faith today. Embrace the truth that God sees you beyond your mistakes and that His grace is more than enough to equip you for whatever He has called you to. Reflect on where you need to release the weight of perfection and rest in His grace.

What is one area of your life where you’re trying to strive for perfection instead of relying on God’s grace? Share your thoughts in the comments below — I’d love to hear how you’re leaning into God’s grace and embracing your identity in Christ.